Have I mentioned that I hate time? Most days it feels like an enemy. It attacks on two fronts, putting MORE distance between me and the good old days and LESS distance between me and whatever trial is coming up next.
I was complaining about this to my mom a few days ago. Then at my friend's wedding on Saturday, the pastor talked about time (I was the maid of honor so I was standing right next to him).
He talked about embracing time as a gift. (Yeah right, I thought. If only it came with a receipt.) He talked about how it's a natural rhythm meant for our benefit, and that we can abuse time with either extreme busyness or procrastination. And of course that we should make time for God and (if applicable) our spouse.
It got me thinking that my fight against time is not only futile, it's pretty selfish. The desire to go back to the best years of my life (cue Bryan Adams) is all about a time *I* felt good, connected, whatever. It shuts me off from other people and being part of their lives.
Not to mention it's pretty stupid. Sure there are trials ahead--I hate thinking about saying goodbye when I leave for England. But I wouldn't be going if I didn't think there were good things waiting too.
On earth we can only live in the present. But I think the feeling that time goes by too fast, that we can't get enough out of each moment, is different. To me, it's pretty good evidence the soul was made for somewhere else.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Bard, Brides, and BMWs
On Friday night I drug my grandma, two cousins, and cousin #1's girlfriend to the free performance of Shakespeare's Richard III in Redmond. It's definitely one of his most confusing plays, so I was really pleased they enjoyed it. And seeing it outside surrounded by families with picnic baskets is truer to what drama was like in Shakespeare's day. (Who needs a stuffy theater and textbooks?)
Saturday we hosted my dear friend's bridal shower, and afterwards I attended my first minor league baseball game at Cheney Stadium in Tacoma. It was fun sitting closer to the action (at Mariner's games we're usually in the nosebleeds) and spending time with friends. And let's face it -- the difference in game quality isn't THAT drastic.
This afternoon I spent with my parents looking at BMWs/convertibles. My dad hasn't bought a car in 21 years (that's right, ever since I was born), and right now (for a "toy") he's considering a convertible as an alternative to the motorcycle he's wanted for awhile. The argument being a convertible gives you more options and keeps you out of the rain.
Speaking of motorcycles, I'm reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. Sometimes I only make it through a few pages before I have to stop and digest. He manages to balance the philosophical abstractions (i.e. rethinking the nature of reality) with the grit of a cross country motorcycle trip. Both of them are intriguing enough to keep me going.
The summer is going by too fast, but after this 100+ degree weather, England is sounding pretty darn good.
Saturday we hosted my dear friend's bridal shower, and afterwards I attended my first minor league baseball game at Cheney Stadium in Tacoma. It was fun sitting closer to the action (at Mariner's games we're usually in the nosebleeds) and spending time with friends. And let's face it -- the difference in game quality isn't THAT drastic.
This afternoon I spent with my parents looking at BMWs/convertibles. My dad hasn't bought a car in 21 years (that's right, ever since I was born), and right now (for a "toy") he's considering a convertible as an alternative to the motorcycle he's wanted for awhile. The argument being a convertible gives you more options and keeps you out of the rain.
Speaking of motorcycles, I'm reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. Sometimes I only make it through a few pages before I have to stop and digest. He manages to balance the philosophical abstractions (i.e. rethinking the nature of reality) with the grit of a cross country motorcycle trip. Both of them are intriguing enough to keep me going.
The summer is going by too fast, but after this 100+ degree weather, England is sounding pretty darn good.
Monday, July 20, 2009
City Lights
Despite this blog's title, I don't live in Seattle. More like 45 minutes south. Sue me for false advertising if you want. Tomorrow, however, I'm spending the day in the big city. It's 11pm right now and I plan to leave at 6am to get the Early Bird parking specials. Yeah, we'll see how that goes.
For once, I'm going to Seattle without any agenda. I am just going to wander through whatever streets and doors I feel like. It's good practice for Europe, besides a chance to actually get to know the city I've admired from afar.
Driving up I-5 and coming upon the Seattle skyline at night, for me, feels like that moment in The Return of the King when Gandalf and Pippin ride up and see the city of Minas Tirith for the first time. There's a kind of beauty of lights and towers that crowns and complements even natural beauty.
Cities make me feel alive and connected to something bigger than myself. For someone who definitely gets trapped in her own head, that's a very good feeling. Tonight, interestingly, I ran across this passage:
You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16
How often have I lived under a basket, peeping out only when I know other lights are around. Or hid out of fear that when the basket is removed, there won't be any light.
It only comes from one city.
For once, I'm going to Seattle without any agenda. I am just going to wander through whatever streets and doors I feel like. It's good practice for Europe, besides a chance to actually get to know the city I've admired from afar.
Driving up I-5 and coming upon the Seattle skyline at night, for me, feels like that moment in The Return of the King when Gandalf and Pippin ride up and see the city of Minas Tirith for the first time. There's a kind of beauty of lights and towers that crowns and complements even natural beauty.
Cities make me feel alive and connected to something bigger than myself. For someone who definitely gets trapped in her own head, that's a very good feeling. Tonight, interestingly, I ran across this passage:
You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16
How often have I lived under a basket, peeping out only when I know other lights are around. Or hid out of fear that when the basket is removed, there won't be any light.
It only comes from one city.
Friday, July 10, 2009
"There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo."
It sucks being careful with personal information on the internet. I wish I could tell the whole story here, but let's just say for the last week I've been facing potential identity theft.
Those fears were (mostly) put to rest today by an anonymous person who returned the missing item. There are still questions as to what happened. But overall I am wiser for this experience -- and very grateful. Not only to whoever returned it, but to the friends and family who prayed.
God does hear. And he does have my back.
Sometimes I forget.
Those fears were (mostly) put to rest today by an anonymous person who returned the missing item. There are still questions as to what happened. But overall I am wiser for this experience -- and very grateful. Not only to whoever returned it, but to the friends and family who prayed.
God does hear. And he does have my back.
Sometimes I forget.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Connection Lost
In his book Against the Machine: Being Human in the Age of the Electronic Mob, Lee Siegel attempts to expose the dark side of the internet. I found most of the arguments less than compelling -- for instance that excellence and originality are sacrificed for popularity. That's always been the case.
Then he started talking about porn.
"The consummate vicarious endeavour, it thrives on and guarantees anonymity. Pornography transfigures other people into instruments of your will . . . you can mentally manipulate them without fear of rejection or reprisal."
Fair enough, but then he says:
"Pornography and technology are joined at the hip. They both transform the reality outside your head into means whose sole end is convenience." "Technology is a blessing . . . but it will not lead you to other people as finalities, as ends in themselves existing outside your needs and desires."
Through technology, he argues, the world shrinks down to just one person: you. So when you chat online, or read a Facebook profile (or blog), are you interacting with a real person? Or does the detachment of the internet allow you to see whatever you want?
But really, who needs the internet's help to do that? It's hard to think of a time I've treated someone as an end in themselves. Perhaps the internet just reveals the essential problem of "being human" after all.
Then he started talking about porn.
"The consummate vicarious endeavour, it thrives on and guarantees anonymity. Pornography transfigures other people into instruments of your will . . . you can mentally manipulate them without fear of rejection or reprisal."
Fair enough, but then he says:
"Pornography and technology are joined at the hip. They both transform the reality outside your head into means whose sole end is convenience." "Technology is a blessing . . . but it will not lead you to other people as finalities, as ends in themselves existing outside your needs and desires."
Through technology, he argues, the world shrinks down to just one person: you. So when you chat online, or read a Facebook profile (or blog), are you interacting with a real person? Or does the detachment of the internet allow you to see whatever you want?
But really, who needs the internet's help to do that? It's hard to think of a time I've treated someone as an end in themselves. Perhaps the internet just reveals the essential problem of "being human" after all.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
God Doesn't Need a Debate Team
Tonight I watched a movie called Lord Save Us From Your Followers. It's subtitled "Why the Gospel of Love is Dividing America" and tied into several things I've been thinking about.
When I was a teenager I went to a Christian apologetics camp and learned how to "defend" my belief in God, the Bible, etc. As part of the camp we'd talk to people on the street about religion. It was pretty much about convincing people that Christianity was a more valid worldview than whatever they believed in.
I'm all about conversations and intelligent dialogue--that's why I want to go into publishing, because ideas MATTER and impact people's lives. But, as quoted in the Lord Save Us movie, "No one ever converted to Christianity because they lost the argument."
In John 15 Jesus says, "If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love."
When I read that, my mind immediately jumped to moral codes. Don't get drunk, swear, or have sex outside marriage. But he didn't say that. He didn't even say to practice apologetics on people until they convert. He said, "this is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
Was Jesus about defending doctrine? Or about love? About rules? Or about love?
Now how exactly I'm supposed to love others like he did I don't know. The embarassing thing is I don't really try. But has anyone come up with anything better to strive for in life?
When I was a teenager I went to a Christian apologetics camp and learned how to "defend" my belief in God, the Bible, etc. As part of the camp we'd talk to people on the street about religion. It was pretty much about convincing people that Christianity was a more valid worldview than whatever they believed in.
I'm all about conversations and intelligent dialogue--that's why I want to go into publishing, because ideas MATTER and impact people's lives. But, as quoted in the Lord Save Us movie, "No one ever converted to Christianity because they lost the argument."
In John 15 Jesus says, "If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love."
When I read that, my mind immediately jumped to moral codes. Don't get drunk, swear, or have sex outside marriage. But he didn't say that. He didn't even say to practice apologetics on people until they convert. He said, "this is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
Was Jesus about defending doctrine? Or about love? About rules? Or about love?
Now how exactly I'm supposed to love others like he did I don't know. The embarassing thing is I don't really try. But has anyone come up with anything better to strive for in life?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Lame
You'd think a person interested in publishing would actually devote time to something important, like, keeping up a regular blog. But no.
All this England/Europe stuff is getting a tad overwhelming. I'll be submitting my visa application in the next few days--it'll be a relief when all that is over. I have to go downtown to get my "biometrics" taken--a laser scan of my fingers and face (not smiling!) as part of the UK's anti-terrorism methods.
I'm also trying to figure out where and when to visit in Europe. France, Italy, Switzerland, Ireland, and Scotland are on the must-see list. I'm not so sure about Germany, Spain, and eastern Europe though. My great-grandparents came from Romania, so maybe I'll try to dig up my ancestral hometown.
All this and I'm trying soak in these months at home. Oxford will be great, but I have to admit part of me dreads leaving.
All this England/Europe stuff is getting a tad overwhelming. I'll be submitting my visa application in the next few days--it'll be a relief when all that is over. I have to go downtown to get my "biometrics" taken--a laser scan of my fingers and face (not smiling!) as part of the UK's anti-terrorism methods.
I'm also trying to figure out where and when to visit in Europe. France, Italy, Switzerland, Ireland, and Scotland are on the must-see list. I'm not so sure about Germany, Spain, and eastern Europe though. My great-grandparents came from Romania, so maybe I'll try to dig up my ancestral hometown.
All this and I'm trying soak in these months at home. Oxford will be great, but I have to admit part of me dreads leaving.
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